Walking Down the street

I'm walking down the street.
I need to withdraw money from the bank from my account that I have now.
I need it to pay the rent for the apartment that I have. an account so he can have money for shelter, money for food. A simple job for money. This will keep him occupied.
Maybe something to keep him occupied intensely. A girlfriend, to love, want spend time with quarrel break up make up... ahhh this takes even longer.
Maybe some movement or ideals to .. maybe some kids..
All this coming to the Adam, the clay, the something walking down the street.
Suddenly a life, a distraction, a way to function in this world where one buys food but does not farm or see how it grows.

This is not reality.
I am walking down the street.
nothing else.
Now.... this street, these clothes.... I am moving....
Moving and not moving. If I don't move the earth moves, the universe moves.
I am walking down the street as one moving through the universe, breathing the universe....
ahh.....
I breathe or not... the universe breathes. I move or not, the universe moves.
Don't get hit by that car....
I'm walking down the street.

Grace

I fell for you because I wanted to make you happy and give you what you wanted in life, because I felt compassion for you and realized I could be the one one to make you happy. This was the wrong reason to fall in love with you perhaps.
Your fourth sentence is untrue and is simply trying to start an argument or hurt me. These words and thinking will not help you.
We did have many fun times together but I see now that the more I back down and pay for things, the more you yell at me and make me do things and test me. It is only escalating on your part, as I become less confrontational on my part.

Your last sentence.
Congratulations may be in order. not saddness. Because this is what you wanted or at least what you thought you may have wanted. Although your were a little unsure. I can certainly will be a father to my child. Anything else you need you can let me know. However, some things, emotional things, I will be unable to do. This is not my fault. There is nothing wrong with me. i am not a bad person. If you think that I am, then you are mistaken about that.
Some things that I would have been able to do before, I cannot do now because your words hurt me, deeply. Probably because I love you and I let them in, instead of just hating you or ignoring you. If you want a healthy baby, then you cannot be stressed. I am not the cause of your stress. Although you do become more stressed when I am around I suppose. Do not blame me. However, if the sight of me moves you to anger, then I will help you from a distance.

If you are thinking you want to kill the child because it is mine or because you hate me or some such reason, I would ask that you please don't do this. This will hurt you as well. This will not make you happier. It will hurt your health and your emotions.

You could be in a wonderful situation, with the man of your dreams and a good career, but you are afraid of it . If you wake up to how good your life can be right now, then you will see it. I am not to blame for your unhappiness. I may be to blame for my unhappiness but not yours. I will not try to think of more clever ways to court you or say the right thing to put you at ease because the hatred is from you, not from me. Furthermore, I'd rather court you from my heart and not just trying to be clever. My romantic love for you is severely injured at the moment and indeed has done me no good and has only brought out temporary happiness in you, followed by anger... which hs then caused me to be angry a month ago, and by now just hurt, injured and disturbed.

Sugar Honey Place

My golden fairy beauty.
Can we not fly away.
High and far away beyond our sky.

We’d rest among the branches
Of a tree of wishful thoughts.
Whose shade was golden rays of unseen light.

In our tree a tree house.
With its own golden sun.
And a moon to float and drift on River Night.

Caressing moon and sunbeams sweet
As sugar honey Grace.
Sip the Star filled river and golden sun filled lake.

All within our tree house
Our sugar honey place.
Oh won’t you come and fly with me tonight.

Dreams

I walk towards the harbor to stare into a body of water because they say that water represents the subconscious. I didn’t stare long enough.
Of the things that truly want to become, one who is good at Kung Fu, good enough to protect himself… one who writes… a book perhaps… one who thinks, as a philosopher, meditating, finding inner calm… I can easily do all of these things.
I don’t need to box to become great at Kung Fu, I simply need to practice harder. On writing, I have the education and the ability to read to further it to become quite knowledgeable, as well as to write quite well. I simply need to do it. I fancy myself an artist and a musician as well. More talents unhoned, left to rust and dull. I could travel the world, wandering from place to place. I need money of course, but not more money than I am making. I simply need to do. But repeatedly I have not. When I was younger I did.
Why have I become unable?
Inability.
I loved lion dance. But the fun has left. I was a general without army. A soldier with no commander. A musician with no band… or at least without one that had any drive. I have sunken to the point of dropping myself in a separate ocean. An ocean of Boxing, MMA, things I was no interested in.
Police Work law… things to gain arbitrary power. Power… something I was not interested in but became interested in because of the ideals of those who would not gain it for themselves.
Of my adult goals, to make money, I can be a lawyer, do business…perhaps even fight..(though this may not be realistic or an adult goal) I simply have to focus my life.

Most importantly I think I must regain my childhood curiosity and energy for what I enjoyed doing.

Two Pigs in a Blanket

Somewhere near Nepal there were two pig spirits.
The female one was able to come and go on the wind and fog to travel near and far.
The male had 36 transformations and was able to see into the true soul of mortals and demons.
To earthly eyes, indeed both were good to look at.
The female one said, "Truly, if we had offspring, they would be a fine specimen of Pig"
So she took the male on the wind and fog into the mountains where they found the ice mountain snow flower in full bloom. They climbed between its petals whereupon it closed in on itself and hidden in the snow they stayed there for 200 years.
The male awoke one time and the cold snow had seeped ino his essence but warmed by the female he moved closer to her.
The female pig said to the male, "You have been away from the outside world for so long, and cannot travel on the wind and fog as I can. Your 36 Transformations may not be enough toprotect you as you have forgotten how to use them fluidly. You must look into yourself to find a way down the mountain, for once this flower opens I must travel a different road and have no time for you."
The male said, "Let us look into each other so that I may find the way to travel on the wind and fog as well."
"How?" said the female.
"Let me inside of you." said the male. and she obliged. But the Male pig was unable to see inside of her nor could he see inside of himself. So attempted to bring the female into on of his tranformation of flint and stone to turn her into a spark and open her up in a flame that he might catch a glimpse of her. But the many times he had done this his view was merely obscured by the fire. Now he was obscured by the fog.
So it was that he came to release himslef fully inside of her and they separated.
She became unable to travel on the wind and fog temporarily and he could not see within her nor within himself but felt only weaker. But with that he took his first step down the mountain into the snow to move closer to clarity.

Heaven on earth

A backpack of sweaty clothing uncomfortably on my shoulders,
I walk up the hill of this quiet quaint college student neighborhood.
Through the humid night the street lights hazily glimmer.
I turn the corner and come up to the house where my apartment is to see
My Sifu's older brother, his wife, Kelly my eight (or is it nine?) year old student, her mother (King Yi), and the Mother of Win King enjoying the night air.

"Sifu's here." Kelly's mom throws out eyeing Kelly.
"Adam....will you fix my violin?" Kelly stand up.
"Are you getting taller Kelly?"
More talk is thrown out and I make my way upstairs to drop off my crap. I come back down with two popsicles Grace,(my girlfriend) had given me awhile back.
I'll make sure there okay to eat before giving one to Kelly. What kind of popsicles were these anyway? I hope they don't have any form of Dairy product in them.
I step over Kelly.
"Where's August?" I ask. August is Kelly's older brother.
"August is around." says mom.
"See?" Kelly is pointing across the street to their house. "He's in there. wait no... Now see over there."

He's being called on the phone. He must have heard us.
"Kelly's eating pospicles...."King Yi, mom, says, "Your so fat you don't get a popsicle." There is one left.
"Tell him to bring the violin over when he comes here"
"Okay." says King Yi, "If you bring the violin over than there will be a popsicle for you.

August cmes over with the violin strapped to his back like a Guitar. In fact from a distance, my poor eyesight thinks he's brought the Guitar. After a bit of shouting about violins guitars and watching out for cars while crossing the street. He is over here with a popsicle himself. I had gotten my violin in the meantime, and Grandpa, or my Master Uncle, has put a new E string on the violin.
I grab August belly as he sits there.
"Hey! It's myyyy fat belly not yourrrr fat belly okay?"
"Whose fat belly?" says King Yin as she grabs it too.
August is by no means fat. But compared to the Chinese bone and muscle eight year old that had been doing Kung Fu all weekend long (However lazily) His newly lazier eleven year old body was indeed chubby in comparison.

I brought out my violin and start playing the Love Song of Kangdang. Uncle's wife sings along. I don't really have spce to play, and then I have to give Uncle an A.

Kelly's violin is stringed and tuned. Cantonese Opera music is coming out of it. Impressive, but sometimes harshly slightly out of tune. And that violin's sound is a piece of crap which doesn't help. But the night is nice and to the kids the skill of Uncle is very Impressive.
"Can you do that?" they ask me.

What songs do you know?

I begin playing that famous song from Beyond. The one Ka Kui sang in Japan and then fell off the stage and died. King Yi starts singing along.

Suddenly Uncle breaks into the song like a bull with overpowering Cantonese opera. August Kelly and King Yi burst into laughter. Win King's mom quietly chuckles. She is quiet.
She had gone through Chemo a few years earlier and still looks frail.

After the quick notes end, I resume the song where I had left off and then a little while later, Uncle crashes in again oblivious to my playing. The kids burst into laughter again. This happens several more times.

Suddenly my phone rings. It is Grace.

The Mermaid Kiss

The Mermaid Kiss.

“I have to take the dog out to pee, but before I get back you have to be out of this bed.” She said it not for the first time. In fact she had been saying the same thing for 20 Minutes. You would think it would be annoying, but to me it is cute.

I feel too tired to get up yet. In fact rarely, these days, do I feel that I am rested fully enough to warrant getting out of bed. Even when I am fully rested enough, it seems like a few more minutes in bed wouldn’t do any harm.
She flips out of bed and thumps down the stairs. I know if I don’t at least get out of the bed now, I will never wake up. I move to the floor and start stretching out. The movement of blood begins to wake me up like a drug.
Why don’t I do more of this? Just get up and do these yoga like stretches two hours earlier. It’s not like I really have to wake up. Plus if I did it every day I would be jacked, not to mention more flexible as well as on time to work. Maybe I’d even get there early. When I sleep by myself it is easier to do this. But who really wants to get out of a bed that Grace is in.
I lie back and slowly ease my legs up over my head in that stretch that does my lower back and the back of the legs. I’m so stiff in the morning so I can’t go all the way down but the blood rushing around is waking me up. Good. I might actually be able to function today. I go through a few more stretches, stretching out the groin doing a slow push up… I don’t know if I’ll get to my kung fu stuff, a deep horse stance. Seriously, If I eased into it slowly two hours of this wouldn’t be hard. I swear I could be crazy jacked. Why don’t I do this?
I move into some kung fu moves, just for exercise though…

Lazy

Why am I so lazy.
I seem to be tired of life.
I was always the dreamer and not the practical one.
As a child I fascinated my self with making shoes out of cardboard
Or from the plastic outsides of binders, and slingshots, not of which
Really could be of any use but for a few moments of fun.
I can work hard at useless things but fail to urn the useless into something that will
Produce.
Money, Followers, Awards, Lovers, anything.
Everything I have accomplished has found me.
I have not found it.

Ginger Honey Tea

Ginger Honey Tea

Sweet Gold! Buzzing nectar seekers honed,
Humming pollination on the breeze.
Harnessed by the civilized to pleasure and preserve,
Are these drones, soldiers for the Queen on Bees.
The sweetest part of Ginger Honey Tea

Princess Honey Princess, Sweet sticky and smooth,
Glittering in the sun to sweeten the tongue that touches her.
Rooted Spice would be nice, a knotted body on her to move,
Cut that body to burn hot in Honey, and she seeps into ginger
Honey and Ginger are making Ginger Honey Tea.

Dark honey golden eyes on honey golden face
Track that body born hard from the soil.
Ginger Golden eyes bring her to that place
Wrap those honey legs round to a boil
Steaming Ginger Honey Tea

Push that Honey heat, seeping out in beads
Ginger vapors burning through and through
Stir and melt that honey into boiled ginger steam.
Inhale first, sip slow, its good for you
So drink more of that honey ginger Ginger Honey Tea.

Break up

Anger and Pain, a deathly venom in the veins,
A shadow of despair upon my shoulders.
I can breathe but stale air.
My legs step only slowly. vision blurs. Nausea.
Hung over with sadness from days before.

Would that I could weep to clean it all away.
My trembling hand had caressed the car door.
Dare I open it to dash my body on the road.
To be run over like a rag doll.
But I do not have the guts, or I have to many other reasons to live.
And I am glad that is what I chose.
Harden my heart and move on.
Foolish to open it up carelessly anyway.
Shall I wipe clean all of it, sweet and bitter? And Can I?

My heart seeks you out, yet fearful of your harshness and your love both,
for both have heated intensity.