Dreams

I walk towards the harbor to stare into a body of water because they say that water represents the subconscious. I didn’t stare long enough.
Of the things that truly want to become, one who is good at Kung Fu, good enough to protect himself… one who writes… a book perhaps… one who thinks, as a philosopher, meditating, finding inner calm… I can easily do all of these things.
I don’t need to box to become great at Kung Fu, I simply need to practice harder. On writing, I have the education and the ability to read to further it to become quite knowledgeable, as well as to write quite well. I simply need to do it. I fancy myself an artist and a musician as well. More talents unhoned, left to rust and dull. I could travel the world, wandering from place to place. I need money of course, but not more money than I am making. I simply need to do. But repeatedly I have not. When I was younger I did.
Why have I become unable?
Inability.
I loved lion dance. But the fun has left. I was a general without army. A soldier with no commander. A musician with no band… or at least without one that had any drive. I have sunken to the point of dropping myself in a separate ocean. An ocean of Boxing, MMA, things I was no interested in.
Police Work law… things to gain arbitrary power. Power… something I was not interested in but became interested in because of the ideals of those who would not gain it for themselves.
Of my adult goals, to make money, I can be a lawyer, do business…perhaps even fight..(though this may not be realistic or an adult goal) I simply have to focus my life.

Most importantly I think I must regain my childhood curiosity and energy for what I enjoyed doing.